Rena's Tears
by Miotis Kain
Summary: Dias recounts the events that led him to leaving Arlia. Dias x Ashton


**Rena's Tears**

By, Miotis Kain

_I raced through the field – my sister's trembling hand clutched in my own – and dared to glance behind me. One was still chasing us. One of the bandits had fallen behind and was gleefully bludgeoning my mother with his crude sword, while another gave my father a final stab to ensure that he was truly dead. _

_ "Mommy! Daddy!" Cecille screamed for them repeatedly, as if the sound of her keening might somehow bring them back. As if it might make it some horrible nightmare. Only a nightmare. Something to wake from, and be forgotten…_

He paused. Ashton waited. God, how he hated remembering! The only thing worse was talking about it. But his life was no longer his own, he'd given it to Ashton and therefore he felt the other man had a right to know. Burying his face further into the comforting crook of Ashton's neck, he drew in a shaky breath.

_The bandits caught up to us quickly. Cecille just couldn't run that fast, and I couldn't carry her. I… _

_ I felt her pulled away from me, another hand falling on my arm with a strength born of pure brutality; perhaps it was just my imagination, but the touch burned like acid. There was this sudden pain in my stomach and… _

_ It all seemed to go so slowly. The bandit holding me let go, and I slumped to the ground. I felt so cold. And this red haze accosted my vision, like there was blood in my eyes – which, there may very well have been. _

_Cecille kept wailing, "Brother! Brother!" I tried to get up, to go to her, but my body wouldn't respond. The bandits moved away from me, and everything started to go dark. I… I could still hear Cecille screaming for me. And then that bloodied steel fell, and…_

His next words were never spoken, a gut-wrenching sob coming out in their place. Clutching handfuls of Ashton's shirt, Dias wept – nine years of pent-up guilt and sorrow released in a single flood of remembrance. 

Tightening his embrace around strong shoulders that shook with violent sobs, Ashton held his lover close and cursed himself for not being able to make this suffering end. He felt tears in his eyes as well; he let them come. Gyoro and Ururun nuzzled the larger swordsman's head affectionately, giving him their support – letting him know that they too shared his pain. 

They clung to one another – waiting out the tide of emotions, which didn't ebb until the moon had begun to dip beneath the black horizon. Dias sniffed and, to Ashton's surprise, continued. 

_When I woke up, I was at Rena's house. My wounds were bandaged, and mostly healed. The elder was there, watching me. He told me that Rena had found me; she'd used her special powers to heal me. She saved my life, but had come too late to help my family. I was the only one to survive._

_ I wanted to see them… He wouldn't let me. He said that I needed to rest, and that it would be too much of a shock, so soon after the tragedy. As if anything could be worse than what had happened. As if the pointless slaughter of my family wasn't shocking enough._

The dragons nudged him again and he disentangled a hand from Ashton's shirt to pet them in turn, silently thanking them for their care. 

_It wasn't until months after my body had fully healed that they let me see the grave. Rena and her mother went with me, not wanting me to be alone._

_ Seeing that marker was like watching them die again; like some small part of me had been clinging to the delusion that they might still be alive… but only now the dream was shattered._

_ I don't know how long I sat there. Eventually, they told me it was time to go back._

He wanted so badly to stop the story there. He didn't want to tell his lover the next part. He didn't want Ashton to know how weak he had been. But the tale was begun, and it demanded finishing. 

_I didn't sleep that night._

_ After everyone else had gone to bed, I crept from my room down to the kitchen. I took one of the knives, and left the house._

_ I made my way to the grave in the dark. I'd only been there once, but my feet seemed to know their way. As I knelt in front of it, something in the back of my mind said that was where I belonged._

_ I took the knife…_

His eyes squeezed shut. He didn't want to remember! 

Ashton was as still as stone, and Dias would have sworn he were if not for the heart threatening to pound its way out of the chest under his hand. 

_My whole body was shaking…_

_Closing my eyes, I took the knife and pressed it to my wrist. And then…_

Dias could feel Ashton's hands trembling on his back, the lump in his throat. He held him tighter and continued. 

_There were footsteps behind me. "Dias?" Rena had followed me._

_ I turned to look at her. The look on her face… there was such horror. And deep in her eyes… She looked at me like I'd betrayed her – as though it were her wrists I was trying to cut, her life I was trying to end. It was terrible._

He knew that same look was on Ashton's face right now. He knew his eyes held the same lament of betrayal. 

_More then ever, I wanted to kill myself. She must have seen it in my face, because she started to cry._

_ …And I couldn't do it. My fingers lost their resolve; the knife uselessly fell from my hand, landing in the dirt by my knees. Rena's tears had stopped me; my own soon followed._

_ "Why? Why am I still here? I should be with them, and I'm not! I should be dead!"_

_Rena rushed to me, fell to her knees in front of me. "Don't say that!"_

_"But it's true! I don't deserve to live. I was too weak. I failed her. I was her big brother. I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to keep her safe, and I didn't. I failed her! I let them down. I should be in that grave with them!"_

_"Don't say that!" she repeated. "Don't say things like that!" She threw herself against me, her small fists pounding against my shoulders in a feeble attempt to give outlet to her turmoil and mine._

_ "You're so mean!" she bawled. "You're so selfish! You miss your family… but we're still here. We haven't left you. What about us? We're sad, too! Your mom, your dad, and Cecille… they're all gone, and that made us sad. But we were happy, too, because we hadn't lost you. You were still with us… And now you want to take that away from us?! What about me? Don't you want to stay with me? Don't I matter to you? You're my brother, too!" Tired, she stopped flailing and sobbed against my chest. "You're my brother, too."_

_Her words… They sent needles to my heart, grinding my ignominy into my soul like a brand. She was right. I was being selfish. I was worthless and weak, and my actions only proved it._

_ It was in that moment I vowed never to be that weak again._

_ I took Rena home, gathered my few belongings, and left before dawn._

_ And I never looked back._

They were silent for many moments. When Ashton finally spoke, his voice quavered. "So… that's what happened to you? That's the cause of the nightmares, like the one you had tonight?" 

Dias nodded. 

Taking him by the shoulders, Ashton pushed the blue-haired swordsman away and held him at arms' length so that he could look him in the eye. Dias had just enough time to register the anger in those green eyes before he felt the back of Ashton's hand strike him across his face. That having been done, the fury melted away and was immediately replaced with a greater storm of emotions; sorrow danced with fear and pain, all against a more encompassing mixture of relief and love. 

His voice still shaky, he scolded, "Rena had every right to be angry. How could you even _think_ of doing something so stupid? I sincerely hope you don't have plans of doing anything like that again." 

Unable to find words for himself, Dias numbly shook his head. 

"Good." Gathering him into his arms once more, Ashton nestled his face into the long cobalt strands of his hair. "I love you so much," he whispered. "I can't stand the thought of ever being without you. And I hate knowing you're in so much pain, and I wish I could do something to make it go away." 

Relishing the warmth and comfort he found in Ashton's arms, Dias felt a new appreciation for the events of his youth. Yes, they were terrible. And yes, the memories were painful. But if those things hadn't happened, then he might never have become the man he was today. He might never have met Ashton, in which case he would never have known what it was like to be loved so completely. He would never have known what it was like to feel so whole. "You do. You give me something to live for." 

The brown-haired swordfighter laughed, but it was more a sound of allayment than humor. "Remind me to thank Rena's tears. They got you to stick around long enough for me to do it." 

He smiled against the smaller man's chest, and murmured, "Remind me to thank them, too." 

A/N: I was in a _**really**_ bad mood when wrote most of this. I tacked on the last part later to try and relieve some of the angst. I'm still not too sure if it worked out right. Oh well. 


End file.
